I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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