He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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