hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
