I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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