was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
