I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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