i don't like sucking hair
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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