so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
