It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize