Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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