Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
tell me about the fingering
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