a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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