Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
