I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
