not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize