Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Randomize
