You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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