Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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