Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
