She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
