we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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