I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
