Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
