You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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