This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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