her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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