took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
