You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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