i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
