She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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