I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just want to make out with him forever
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
