I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I have fence marks all over my body
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
