my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
