I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
