My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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