The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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