I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
