I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
