so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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