guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
