Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
