He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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