Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
