this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
