If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
