I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
