I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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