this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
