I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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