Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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