Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
