We won't sleep together?
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
