i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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