He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
