Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
