I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
