I can tuck mytits in my pants
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
