So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Your cock deserves a montage
You need Xanax blowdarts
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
