Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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