Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
They took my balls.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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