i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
