fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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