so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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