one might say we're banned from that church
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
