o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
