but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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